My Testimony - Part 9 - Chemo ... And the "C" Word!

My Testimony is very long so I am posting it in parts. Don't forget to read:

Part 1 -  God Calls A Child!

Part 2 -  A Path Of Sin!

Part 3 - Redemption ... God's Amazing Grace!

Part 4 - Angel's Among Us!

Part 5 - 300 Days And Counting!

Part 6 - Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh!

Part 7 - My Darkest Days ... And God's Forgiveness!

Part 8 - An Adoption Story ... Well Sort Of!

"Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall rise him up; and if have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him." James 5:14-15

Because I had had so many complications after my surgeries I was sent to another specialist in Boston. He thought I should try a new Chemo treatment that was used to treat Crohn's. I technically am diagnosed with undetermined Crohn's/Colitis because all my tests show inconclusive results. So I agreed to try the chemo and see if it would help. I became so deathly ill and most of my hair fell out. I couldn't imagine why anybody on earth would agree to do this. After the first round of treatments my body had not responded the way they had hoped, so we all agreed to stop them.

Dustin, Sarah and Mazie!

Shortly after J.T. left I went to see an infertility specialist. (I have NEVER claimed that I have infertility! To be infertile is to be unable to become pregnant. And I believe that I will be able to become pregnant. I always tell my nieces and nephews, some babies just take longer to grow.) I knew I wasn't really healthy at the time, but wanted to start the process and see what they could do. Ever since I was a teenager I had a problem with ovarian cysts on my right side. When I was very sick, thankfully, most of this calmed down. But the healthier I got, the worse these became. The infertility doctor determined that I had a blockage in my left tube and a dysfunctional right ovary. Neither side was working properly. Also TONS of scar tissue was blocking the eggs from even getting to the tubes. The cysts on my right ovary had developed into strange looking black masses. They told me black always means cancer. The "mass" (I NEVER claimed it was cancer!) was totally surrounding the ovary and it would have to be removed, as well as the left tube. A left ovary and a right tube doesn't make a great recipe for conception. I was not pleased. The "mass" was extremely painful and was pinching the nerves in my right arm. I needed another miracle!

I went home and quoted every scripture I remembered about faith and believing for the impossible!(I will make a post with them all!) I fasted and prayed asking God to show me His plan in my life.

At the same time my pastor's wife and another woman in church were diagnosed with Breast Cancer. The three of us went in front of church and were prayed for and anointed with oil. As the bible tells us to in James, quoted above! For the first time in my life I felt my healing! Instantly ALL pain was gone! It was beautiful!

I called my doctor and told her nothing would be there, that I was healed! She still wanted to do the surgery and make sure, she didn't really believe me. I decided to go ahead and have the surgery, that way she would KNOW what God had done for me. I had the surgery and she was amazed! NO MASS! Not even a hint that one had ever been there! THANK YOU JESUS!! They did remove my left tube because it was slightly open and if I got pregnant on that side it would 100% be a tubal pregnancy, and they knew emotionally I could not handle that. My doctor tried to say after the surgery that they had mistaken shadows for a tumor, but the ultrasound tech would not budge. She knew what she saw and it wasn't a shadow!! I wish I had the pictures to post for you!

My pastor's wife and the other woman said they also felt pain leave their body, and God healed all 3 of us that day! There is POWER in prayer and in obedience to the word of God!

Two years later I was having pain again in my shoulder. I went to my OB/GYN and he did an ultrasound. It showed another mass over 10cm. In cyst world this is HUGE! It was very dangerous and would need to be removed. And of course they always like to throw in the "C" word whenever they can. I knew God had already healed me and there was no reason for me to have surgery. I went to church to get prayed for again and I knew God would do it. I told my doctor I was healed and he wouldn't need to do surgery. He was not convinced. So I told him to take another ultrasound and he would see. The new ultrasound showed that the mass was growing even bigger. But I did not falter. Every day for a month I cried and prayed, Lord I know you healed me and I don't want to have another surgery.

Whenever I felt pain in my body, I would not acknowledge the pain, but I would say, "Thank you Jesus I am healed". Many days the pain was so bad, all I could say was "Thank you Jesus I am healed! Thank you Jesus I am healed!" over and over and over. The day of surgery was approaching and I was getting upset. I did not want any more surgery! There was no need to have surgery if nothing was there! I consulted my husband and he prayed about it and felt that I should go ahead and have the surgery. I wanted to stand by faith and not have the surgery. I cried and prayed, and cried and prayed. I knew my husband would not make a decision that would hurt me or be bad for me, but I was just not seeing things his way.

So I prayed and asked God to give me peace. And I clearly heard a voice answer back, "Sarah, I'm going to use you to show other people a miracle" Thank You! Now I felt that the surgery had a purpose, it was not for nothing! God gave me the peace I so desperately needed.

The day of my surgery I told my doctor there would be nothing there. This time I was still in pain, but I stood on my faith in Jesus Christ that I was completely healed. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1. My doctor had tears in his eyes and told me he had not slept all weekend because he was trying to figure out how to save my ovary. I only had a right tube, so the right ovary is essential! I just smiled back at him. Time would tell. I wish I could have seen his face after surgery! He came out to the waiting area and just shrugged. There was nothing there! HAHAHA Oh God is so good. Although the doctor never did admit to me it was a miracle I knew God was talking to him.

Just recently I had another ultrasound and my doctor found another "mass" on my ovary. I went back to the same OB?GYN and he just said, "I am not worried. I know with you there's really nothing there!!!" Even my doctor is now speaking faith! Hahahaha I love it!!

I am so thankful that my pastor taught me not to have confidence in a doctor's report, but to have confidence in God! What a GREAT and MIGHTY God I serve!! It does not matter what situations come your way, or what death sentence a doctor tries to put on you! God's word says to speak life!

Pro 18:21a "Death and life are in the power of the tongue:"

I SPEAK LIFE!

REFLECTIONS:
~Did you know you DO NOT have to accept the doctor's diagnosis as truth! God can change your diagnosis if you stand by faith!
~God's answer may not always be what you want to hear. I did not want to have another surgery, but God wanted to use my as a vessel to reach someone else. How humbled I am that God can use me as his servant!
~Submission is so important! I asked my husband for godly council and he gave it. I did not initially agree with his answer, but after prayer I realized God had given him the correct answer. Trust those that are your leaders and covering. They have a great task to watch out for us and give us godly wisdom. I believe my obedience to my husband was key to my healing
~If you are having difficulty making a decision, PRAY about it! Do not make a move one way or the other until you have peace from God about it. Be open to hear the answer God has for you, whether it is what you want to hear or not. God talks to his people, we just have to listen and hear the answer he has for us!


Thank you for following along with my story! If you are enjoying this series, please share with your friends. You never know who needs encouragement today! If you would like prayer please leave a comment below or contact me via email (in my tabs above) and I will gladly pray with you for direction! Please join me tomorrow for Part 10 - With God Nothing Shall Be Impossible!

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My Testimony - Part 8 - An Adoption Story ... Well Sort Of!

My testimony is very long so I am posting it in several parts. Don't forget to read:

Part 1 - God Calls A Child!

Part 2 - A Path Of Sin!

Part 3 - Redemption - God's Amazing Grace!

Part 4 - Angel's Among Us!

Part 5 - 300 Days And Counting!

Part 6 - Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh!

Part 7 - My Darkest Days ... And God's Forgiveness!

"But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for such is the kingdom of Heaven!" Matthew 19:14

During my sickness all I could think about was having a child. Children are such a blessing, and somehow in my crazy mind I convinced myself that if I had a child, that would mean I was healthy. Because I still weighed less then 100 lbs the not so important parts of my body shut down. So I began to pray that we would be able to adopt. I'm going to keep most of this info general for the privacy of those involved.

My dear boy J.T. was born in October 2001. He was 10 weeks premature and couldn't remember how to eat or breath. He stopped breathing at least 10 times an hour. It really wasn't as scary as it sounds because he was on an apnea monitor and as soon as it would beep, he would jump and start breathing again. J.T. was my life! I had only had surgery 6 weeks prior to him being born, but all of a sudden nothing about me mattered! He was my world! Really things had felt so bad for so many years, this was my first real ray of sunshine!

I was so in love with this child I can't even begin to write about it. He was so fragile, and he needed me. I finally felt like I had a purpose. I rocked to him and sang to him. Prayed with him and cried with him. A biological mother could not love their child more! I knew within the first week that it didn't look like we were going to be able to adopt him, but how could I leave this precious little boy? My boy? I couldn't! So I went every day, not knowing if it was the last kiss I could give him. The last prayer I could say with him. The last time I would ever hold him and tell him how much I love him. Still I went because none of that mattered. All that mattered was he was struggling for his life and needed me.

Like most preemies J.T. struggled with his vitals. There was just too much for his poor little body to do. The nurses tried their best but for some reason I was the only person who was able to stabilize him. I held him in the kangaroo position, skin on skin, and his vitals would be perfect. Somehow my body knew how to regulate his temperature and blood pressure. His breathing became more regular and he was able to rest. I know this was a match made in heaven and God put us together! WHEW even after 10 years I cannot write this without crying! He was my boy!

We were able to raise our dear son for almost a year, and when he left he was very healthy and his doctor's were amazed at how well he had grown and developed. They had never seen anything like it. I still feel blessed that God allowed me to be part of his life! And although losing him was an enormous loss in my life, being his mother even for a short time was an even bigger gain. I honestly believe God sent him to me to save my life as well. It help me to forget what was going on with me, and to focus on someone else for a change. I have never been the same since!

REFLECTIONS:

~Have you ever prayed for something, but God's answer was no? Did you have a hard time submitting to God's will?

(I tried to keep this post as upbeat as possible, but as you can imagine, it was a great struggle for me letting my son go. You can read more about Saying Goodbye To My Son!)

Thank you for following along with my testimony! If you are enjoying this series please share with your friends! Please continue to Part 9 - Chemo and the "C" word!

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My Testimony - Part 7 - My Darkest Days ... And God's Forgiveness!

My Testimony is very long so I'm dividing it into parts. Don't forget to read:
Part 1 - God Calls A Child!
Part 2 - A Path Of Sin!
Part 3 - Redemption - God's Amazing Grace!
Part 4 - Angel's Among Us!
Part 5 - 300 Days And Counting!
Part 6 - Sometimes You Just Have To Laugh!

This part is probably one of the hardest parts of my life to share. Mostly pride and shame are the reasons. But I believe it may help someone else and so I am willing to share it.


I did not always serve Jesus. I grew up believing in Him, and thought that was enough. I was a servant to myself. I did whatever I wanted, and made many bad decisions. The guilt of these decisions drove me to make even worse decisions until I was filled with so much self loathing and hate. I needed deliverance from myself. I needed a savior. Once I finally decided to serve God I knew I couldn't do it half hearted. God was helping me make better choices. He was helping me clean up my life, but it was many many years before I would learn to forgive myself.

I've always loved this picture!
When I fail he is right there ready to
forgive.

The guilt and self hatred I felt, mixed with all the pain from my surgeries led me to become a drug addict. Prescription medication is the proper term, but they were drugs, and I couldn't stop. I've asked myself over and over how a person trying to serve God to the best of their ability can become a drug addict. The answer is pretty simple actually. I started looking at the circumstances around me and not trusting God. I made excuses that I was in pain and needed them. And I WAS in pain. ALOT of pain. Both emotionally and physically. I started to have a fear that if I was in this much pain with the pills, what would I feel like without the pills? And I started taking more, just to be safe. After all more pills means less pain right?

I became cranky, mean, unapproachable. I knew what I was doing and nobody was going to tell me what was best for me. I was in pain and needed them, and that was that! I learned many tricks to get more drugs. (which I will not share! LOL) I had them stashed everywhere. In drawers, in closets, in clothes, under the bed. No matter where I was in the house I had a stash of pills close by, just in case. I even went so far as to carry them around the house and sleep with them. YES I WAS AN ADDICT! I'm sure Dustin threw away many bottles and hid them from me as best as he could. But every time he tried to talk to me about it I got angry and yelled, how dare he tell me I wasn't in pain. I had been through so much, didn't I deserve a break?

Our marriage became rocky. Not because he didn't love me, but because I convinced myself that he didn't love me. I became friends with people that were not good for me, and who didn't like Dustin. They convinced me he didn't trust me, and I believed them. I began to aim all my hatred and guilt at him. I made him the bad guy.

But even when we falter and stumble, God is close by. He brought a convicted drug dealer to our church fresh out of prison. This person got saved and began to witness to me. I had been going to church for years. I knew God! But God used this man to soften my heart. He began to tell me I had all the behaviors of being a drug addict. I was appalled! How could a Christian woman become an addict while serving God? But I knew in my heart it was true! I fell down on the floor and repented and asked God to help me. Then I did the only thing I could. I dumped all the pills in the toilet. I knew if I kept them around they would be a temptation. And the amazing thing was, I NEVER felt worse when I stopped taking them. Day by day I began to feel better. I had allowed the pills to hold me in bondage. And God used a drug dealer to witness to me. Although you may feel like you have nothing to offer, you never know who needs YOU!

Now that I was not snowed under I had to face reality. And that was I needed forgiveness. Not only from God but from myself. I wish I could tell you that this happened over night. But this was a long, slow, painful process. In order to forgive myself, I had to first accept that God forgave me. And when God forgives, he forgets, it's just like it never happened. I didn't have to repent over and over for my sins. I didn't have to beat myself up for the mistakes I made. I didn't have to see them for stumbling blocks, but use them as stepping stones to help me grow and change and be a better person. Forgiving myself is a daily step in my walk with Christ. I don't have to relive all my mistakes everyday. But everyday I do wake up and thank God for saving me from myself.

I also began working on my marriage. Love is a choice. And I could choose to love this man, or get a divorce. I chose to give love a try. I made myself tell Dustin everyday that I loved him and he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't believe a word of it, but I thought if I said it enough it might become true. I called him at work just to tell him I was thinking about him. I wrote him notes in his lunch to have a good day. Slowly I began to let the walls come down and I began to see him through new eyes. He wasn't the bad guy, and neither was I. We had just been through 6 horrible years and it takes a toll, both physically and emotionally. But we were determined to make it work, and God renewed our love for each other and began to remove the sadness. And today we are so close and love each other more then anyone else in the world.

God's forgiveness is beautiful, and he is right there waiting for you to come to him. We all struggle with things in our lives. We all have followed the wrong path and have strayed. We all have had days where we didn't treat people like we should. Let today be the day you begin to change. Whether you serve God everyday, have walked away from him, or never knew him. It doesn't matter. He's waiting for you to come to him. Don't hesitate or wonder what people around you might think. Just do what you know in your heart is right. Put down that thing that has held you in bondage. Make a conscious effort to tell someone you haven't told in a while, that you love them. Don't let another day go by. Let today be YOUR day.

"Lord, I thank you that I have gone through these trials. They have shown me that no matter what, you love me. In my darkest days, you are there for me. Forgive me Lord for the things I stumble on and help me grow and learn that I can put my trust and confidence in you. I have many weaknesses Lord, and I need your help to over come them. Thank you for showing me the way. Thank you for your daily guidance and instruction. And most of all your forgiveness, which I am so undeserving of. And you offer so freely. In Jesus' name AMEN!"

REFLECTIONS:
~Have you ever found yourself in a situation you never dreamed you would fall into? Did you listen to advice from your friends and family? Did you pray about it and seek God's help?
~Have you ever struggled with addiction? God can help you get the deliverance you need!
~Have you struggled with forgiveness? Sadly it took me many years to realize that God wants to forgive me, but he only can do it if I let him!
~Have you ever struggled with loving your spouse? Did you know that love is a choice? Fireproof and The Love Dare are great resources to help you with your struggles of love! God gave me the very same principles during my own battle!

***DISCLOSURE*** I am in no way telling anybody to throw away their pills. I am only sharing what happened in my life.
Thank you for following along with my testimony. If you are enjoying this series please share with your friends. Please continue to Part 8 - An Adoption Story ... Well Sort Of!


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My Testimony - Part 4 - Angels Among Us!

My testimony is very long so I am breaking it down into several posts.

Part 1 - God Calls A Child

Part 2 - A Path Of Sin

Part 3 - Redemption - God's Amazing Grace!

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; " Psalms 23:4

Our Wedding Day November 22, 1996

Dustin and I were married when I was 19 and he was 20. We thought we had life all figured out. We bought a house and a new truck. We both had fairly good jobs, life was going good. For the first year I didn't want children at all. I knew I was too young and didn't want all the work and trouble that came along with kids. Then all of a sudden it hit me. The baby fever. Out of the blue and totally unexpected this strong desire came to me. It was so overwhelming how strong the desire became. So Dustin and I decided to start trying. I had been on birth control so had to go off it and let it wear off. Within a few months I began feeling very sick and throwing up a lot. I KNEW it had to be morning sickness!! I told everyone at work I must be pregnant because all I did was run to the bathroom. Month after month this went on and still no pregnancy.

I started having rectal bleeding and my mom became concerned and convinced me to go to the doctors. Two weeks later my test results were in. I went into the office and my doctor said, "You have Crohn's disease, have a nice day" WHAT?!?!?! She didn't tell me what it was or give me a paper or anything. I didn't know if I had a week to live or what. Thankfully I did have more then a week to live, but still the diagnosis was bad. My body made ulcers all through my intestines causing the bleeding and vomiting. I became VERY sick and soon had to quit my job.

In the mean time I had a pilonidal cyst on my tail bone. I had it removed 5 times in the doctor's office and it never went away so I finally had to go in the OR and have it surgically removed. The cyst was extremely painful and so was the Crohn's. I was on A LOT of steroids and other medications at the time. Dustin worked around the clock and didn't realize how sick I was. I was so sick and didn't realize he didn't know. At this time I could barely get out of bed. I had to roll on the floor and crawl to the bathroom, still vomiting and bloody diarrhea. I had sores all through my my mouth and throat, which felt like needles, and soon I couldn't even swallow water. The doctor's just kept telling me this is how the disease goes and it would be 10-15 years before I was sick enough for surgery. Finally I was hospitalized. I had already lost over 30 lbs and I still couldn't swallow. My stool looked like tomato soup. My steroids and morphine were increased to the point that Dustin got very worried. He knew too much morphine was a death sentence. He begged that I be sent to Boston for a second opinion. The doctor was very angry, but after a week he finally agreed to send me. I was sent by ambulance with all medications locked out and without a chart. The EMT's were told I would be dead before I reached Boston. I remember how long that trip was. I couldn't have pain medication and I was very weak and tired.

Showing off my "big" muscles at 78 lbs!

When I arrived in Boston the doctor's in the ER were amazed that I had survived the trip. But unfortunately the hospital that sent me messed up my paperwork so they couldn't treat me immediately. They couldn't get my IV to work so they tried placing a central line, an IV in the main artery in my chest. I was so dehydrated and sick the line went through the vein and punctured my lung. Now I needed an emergency chest tube to drain the fluid and pump back up my lung. The chest tube was extremely painful. It was determined that I was indeed a candidate for surgery but was too sick and would probably die on the table, so they waited a week to give me fluids and TPN (IV nutrition). I underwent MANY tests that week, all miserable! My surgery was scheduled for the following Monday, but late Thursday we were told the Friday surgery was cancelled and I was bumped up. I was going to be given an ileostomy bag. It happened so fast I didn't even have time to process it all. But I was so sick I didn't care. I now weighed only 78 lbs.

Thursday night I died. (I didn't realize it at the time though) I can't even put into words what it felt like. It was so calm. Void of feeling or thought. The true meaning of peace! I was standing on the roof of the hospital looking down at my body in the hospital bed. The room was glowing so bright I couldn't see the walls. There were 4 angels standing guard of my bed. Two at the head and two at the foot of the bed. They looked like HUGE men with blond hair and off white linen robes. They were standing shoulder to shoulder and I felt so safe. I felt a presence beside me and I realized that I was at Jesus' feet. I heard his voice say. "Sarah are you scared?" I answered, "No I see my angels and I feel peace" Then I woke up...

Recovering after 8 hours of surgery!

I didn't fully comprehend what had happened, but one thing was sure, I had seen angels and I HAD peace! God was with me and no matter what happened I knew everything was going to be OK. I told every person I came in contact with about my visit with angels. The story spread through the hospital and soon everybody knew what I had seen.

My surgery was a lot more serious then anticipated. It lasted over 8 hours and finally late that night Dustin was allowed in the recovery room. He was crying. I don't remember him ever crying. He told me that my intestines were so diseased they were rotten. They were 4 inches in diameter and bright purple and fell apart in the doctor's hands as he removed them. He said I would not have lived through the weekend and made it to the original Monday surgery. All I could think about was the vision I had of Jesus and the angels! I thanked God all weekend for his mercy and love and for showing me He was with me. He knew what I would need for the days ahead.

REFLECTIONS:
~Have you ever had to fight for your rights because the people who were supposed to be fighting for you weren't?
~Have you ever been in the "valley of the shadow of death" but felt God's peace that everything was going to be OK?
~If my surgery was not changed to Friday I would have been dead before the original surgery date. Have you ever had circumstances change that first appeared to be random, then looking back you realized there was a higher power orchestrating things?

Thank you for following along with my testimony! If you are enjoying this series please share with your friends. Please continue to Part 5 - 300 Days And Counting!

Have you been encouraged by Treasures of Faith?If so, won’t you subscribe and receive our latest posts sent to your inbox or RSS feed?You may also connect with us on Facebook and Twitter, or follow us via Google Friend Connect.